Illumanarchist

Mee-OW

2003-08-20T22:56:34Z

So, I'm only really posting cause my mate says I should if I'm gonna steal someones lj code......Whatever.
But it has been a while since I've posted and I probably should just in case someone actually DOES read this (fnar. Whatever)
Anyway, my excuse for not posting is france. Been there for a month. Bought a CD. Deftones' WHite Pony. Viciously overpriced but it was my mum's money sooo. It's cool. Too angsty. Not in the mood to talk about it. France was damn cool. Loadsa food, and more importantly, wine. But more importantly sleep, which I was having trouble sleeping. Although my sister said that was probably because I messed my sleep schedule because of staying oop too late. Hmm, given that's its about midnight now she was probably right.
Back to the food. And more importantly, the wine. The food was great. Duck roasted in it's own fat, barely a vegetable in sight and goose liver pate....mmmmmmmmm. We went to a hideously expensive place frequented by over-posh ex-pats and tony blair, I'm ashamed to say, and gave for dessert the greatest little chocolate cake with a liquid centre.....*drools*
THe wine was great as always. We had a meal with about 15 people during which we drank a methusalah (8 bottles of wine in one!) + 3 other bottles + 2 bottles champagne + 1 bottle dessert wine + Armagnac.....ooooooh yes.
As for tonight, I'm mildly stoned, and very camp. Oh yes. It's camp 80s pop music, an urge I get every so often to listen to human league, soft cell and Dead or alive. It rocks. Welp, I'd better give you a holiday scorecard...

Bottles wine drunk (by me approx.) = 10
Books Read = 17
Hours slept 280
Hours in pool = 96
Hours on internet = 5
candle wax burns =3
hours doing any work whatsoever = 0

Fell Jealous. I have a house in the south of france. You (probably) don't. You = lose

well that was an.......experience

2003-07-03T00:49:20Z

So anyway. I haven't meditated for a long while, and was getting increasingly more stressed and distressed, until I got pissed at my friends for really tiny details.(btw I must apologise to you non spiritual types, you will find this supremely boring and stupid) So anyway, I felt I should probably stop using drink as a substitute for my rather essential meditation sessions. So I went and sat down and did what I normally do, and I tried to calm my physical body and keep it firmly stable and under control, something that normally takes very little effort. But tonight, I had a lot of trouble. My eyes were going crazy and I had to use most of my energy to wrest control of my muscles, and a lot was being used up to keep it that way. So having finally done that I took my next step, to search my soul for the things relevant to me and meditate on them, as I normally do. However, as I did this, I got one or two images and then BAM. It was like an explosion that hit my soul like a a hundred sledgehammers. It pushed it all down into a tiny core at the bottom of my oesophagus. It crept over into my physical mind and my head started to pound, and my body went limp for a few seconds. I got up and I was shaking bad. This has never happened before in my routine meditations. I have no idea what was different apart from a longer gap between the previous one. It was good and bad at the same time. It was pain and ecstasy al rolled into one. I really don't know what to say about it. Welp, that's all tonight.

Kinell that year was loooong

2003-06-30T01:12:33Z

So, finally finished year nine. Not impressed. Most of it sucked. Not looking forward to year 10. Am pissed right now though, so I don't need to worry bout it. :D. But yeah, not a lot else to say. been watching glastonbury on the telly, but I have to say it's goddam depressing: "GOD DAMMIT I WISH I WAS THERE!" type depressing. Other than that I have very little to say.

I rediscovere www.threebrain.com today. Oo I'm also playing through Fallout again. If there is one RPG I would kill to protect my copy of,. it's fallout. I absolutely adore it, and fallout 2 is just as good,(although tactics sucks ass). Such a good game. Although because I focused on gambling, by the time I got to the hub I could take on a small army, such was my firepower. Mmmmmmm firepower. I can see what Steve Metzler Means when he talks about how many weapons you get in this game. But it still rocks.

On the other loves of my life - books and music, I have a couple of thoughts. Firstly, If you haven't read any of haruki Murakami's work then you should. It's a bit twisted and very weird, but damn good, although the translation makes it lose something in places. I'd start with The wind up bird chronicle, cos after that books like after the quake will seem like piss:P. Also, a book who's author's name escapes me, the curious incident of the dog in the night time is quite good too. It's a "murder" mystery about an autisic boy (the narrator) who tries to find out who killed his neighbour's dog. Weird eh?.

On the music front, listening to some of R.E.M's new stuff like Electrolite and Finest Worksong (I love you glastonbury), They are pretty damn good. Not as good as their automatic for the people stuff, but good. Also just discovered Beth Orton. She's not classic, but has a vertain folky type coolness to her music. Tis a bit Alanis Morisette though....

Anyway, After that remarkably well spelled and coherent update from a drunk 14 year old, I bid you - ADIEU

hooooo-eee, I really need to carry on with what I start.

2003-06-19T18:47:04Z

So anyway. I'm sorry to anyone who actually cares about what I put in here that I haven't updated. I just had many many exams and then I could not be arsed
Can barely be arsed now
hmmmmmmmm- no - NO Tom - You MUST finish what you start.
Hmmmm, so. Exams went well. Range of 79% to 92% (and my parents still were dissapointed- no pleasing some people). Had a fairly bad time recently. Exams, generally fucking up socially, although that's no biggy when you consider the people who I'm pissing off. But it does seem that everyday I talk less to the people I commute on le train with, slipping into my music, just listening. And Gareth sending me all those Rage against the machine and Smashing Pumpkins CDs hasn't helped me any
Speaking of Smashing Pumpkins, if you haven't heard Zwan yet, Billy Corgan's offshoot band, then you must get "baby lets rock" (baby I'm the greatest thing you've got, in a good way, I suppose :D). It's sort of beatles meet Smashing Pumpkins (but in a good way [I suppose:D])
I'm very into them at the moment.
But back to the point. My house has been a very poor environment to live in recently. My eldest sister has almost severed contact on account of me and my two sister's shared hatred of our mother. My father, who I feel is overworking himself, has become increasingly snappy and downright grouchy. For example, he recently shouted (and I mean shouted) at me because I spoke too quietly. This was very harsh for me, as normally my father is the one I like, but as of late I find his presence irritating me, because as I develop we become such radically different people, and we are drifting apart, which saddens me.
Also, my mother has become the person I hate most in this world. I loathe her, I find her disgusting. Her mere existence to me seems like an affront to humanity. I look at her and am disgusted by her laziness, her closed mind, her stubborness, and, loathe as I am to judge by these things, her sheer corpulence, that she herself brought about by way of the afforementioned faults in her "personality".It annoys me that I just said something so totalitarian when I always consider myself to be quite liberal.
And she refuses to see my points of view. And she is so totalitarian that it borders upon abuse. Fuck that, it is abuse if she hits me for forgetting to do some work. And murray has been telling me I should call social services and say that, but I don't want to tear apart my family, which has always been on tenterhooks. Yes my mum does this, but what about my father, and my sisters, my long time comrades in suffering. My brother, who is a good man despite what I sometimes think of him. What will happen to him, who I wish only happiness with his long time girlfriend of 7 years (they started going out at 16). What will happen to his plans of marriage if I tear apart the family, for me. Despite all outward appearances, I'm not totally heartless.
This is too confusing. And I really can't talk anymore without bursting into tears. I'll update again if I feel like it.

Aaaaaaw Crap.

2003-06-04T20:59:04Z

Exams went shitty today. I had both my French and Spanish orals on the same day! That suxxors! And, to make it worse - I completely fucked up my spanish. I forgot everything and I didn't answer half the questions. But it's our teachers fault, she didn't prepare us at all. But I did OK in my French. He said I spoke almost perfect french, so I was pretty smug after that. Other exams have gone well. I was on fire during my English language and writing exam. Other than that I've been going over these playlists for my mates Tapes (two Now) I have 3 sides, so I just need a theme for the fourth (have done Rock/metal, Indie and depressing). Hmm. Also I met a mate of mine at the station today who I haven't seen for a long time, so catching up with her was quite cool. Other than that, not a lot to say. Anyway, I'm off to revise and maybe my head will explode yay!

Exams - Eeeeeew

2003-06-02T16:45:01Z

Hm. Exams. "nd Day back and we have exams. Sucky ass exams that my parents are all worked up about even though they mean Jack shit tbh. I mean pur-lease. But that sucks

But I'm catching up on my music listenage. Found my copy of radiohead. and my Hendrix CD. Ever notice that the lyrics to crosstown traffic are quite dodgy. I like it.
Like:
Ninety miles an hour, girl, is the speed I drive
You tell me it's alright, you don't mind a little pain
You say you just want me to take you for a ride

I love that. Or:
I'm not the only soul who's accused of hit and run
Tire tracks all across your back
I can see you had your fun

I love that song. You should too. It pwns. Also Castles made of sand is good on that front. Anyway. I have to make a mix tape for a mates birthday (CHEAP!) Tracklist so far is:
1: Ant Farm - Eels
2:Nobody Girl - Ryan Adams
3: Karma Police - Radiohead
4: Colourblind - Counting Crows
5:Ordinary Life - Kristen Barry
6:Every you Every me - Placebo
7:Mr Jack - System of a Down
8:Subject to status - Pitchshifter
9: Darts - System of a down
10: Teenage Witch - Eels
11: Tangled up in blue
12:Answering Bell - Ryan Adams
13: Self Help - Turin Brakes
14: Souljacker pt 1 - Eels

I need help on this. Tell me if it's ok. I think we need something to help transition from Darts into Teenage Witch but I can't think what. It took me 40 minutes to write that. With the purpose of being able to listen to it right through without any surprises I think I did pretty well. Tell me what you think. Well, Major Tom - Out.

School sucks bigger than the whores in porn flicks

2003-06-01T10:19:40Z

So anyway. Having just had a week off school, watching films, watching tv, playing on my computer. Well, I was supposed to be working, but who cares! Also, it's been damn fine weather, which hasn't kept till today but hey, you can't win all the time. but I had fun. Saw X2, which is fucking awesome. I saw Jerry Maguire for the first time (awesome), bought a copy of Ghost in the Shell, and got stoned with mah friend. So it hasn't been a total waste. But still. School sucks. The fact that it's coming tomorrow has made me realise that I have had 5 hours sleep all this week, and I suddenly feel very tired. However, I can handle it, I think. Just get as much sleep as I can. I'll try a *ahem* "nightcap" tonight. Anyway. Have little else to say but I leave you with these words of wisdom from lou Reed:

Jackie is just speeding away,
Thought she was James Dean for a day
Then I guess she had to crash, Valium would have helped that bash

Kay, maybe not so wise, and it needs the music to get the effect but whatever.

Y halo Thare Peoples

2003-05-29T22:26:20Z

So anyway. Thomas Nash. Me. Master of boredom, hyper idiot boy extraordinaire, but asshole to my friends. Yes. I am 14. I live in cambridge. That's in England. Really not a lot to say. I spend my life on the computer, doing odds and ends. I play games (mmmmmmmm 200+ hours of RPG goodness on my shelf) and I am seemingly developing agoraphobia. Hooray for me. Anyway, I guess I don't have much else to say. If you want to know more look in your local library until you realise how stupid wanting to know more about me is. Joke, but you knew that, you're intelligent people. Anyhoo. Yeah. Where was I, kinda lost my train of thought......uh......I guess what I'm trying to say, and I know it's a really roundabout way of saying it is that I HATE SAUERKRAUT that's all I'm really trying to say. No prizes except my love if you guess where that's from.